a bitta culture...yeah

instead of doing work I've decided to have a bit of a read, a bit of listen...
So've I've kicked back and put in "The STRING QUARTET TRIBUTE to MAROON 5" and picked up my "FRAME by FRAME: a handbook for creative filmmaking." Currently the chapter is 'WHY EDIT?' hmmm, not sure Eric Sherman, better read on...

gosh, i need something better to do with my time. Maybe a little, I don't know...desperate housewives?

Collin died

Everybody go buy yourself some chinese birthday cake

you know the pound ones with the cream and sponge (and taro if you like it) and nuts on the side and canned fruit on top? Yeah those ones

i love it when I find things that are on my birthday or near my birthday or people who have the same birthday as me or people who have a birthday near me.
But I was watching ‘the woodsman’ and the registration date of his parole is on my birthday.
Not so cool anymore.

PS. Thanks everyone for the great pressies and birthday wishes! That’s so sweet…but I got home and got the best surprise. My gym had sent me a happy birthday letter and a membership card (for 10days) to give to a friend and a free bottle of Gatorade the next time I went in. Beat that.

stupid retail bitches...

so i went to KMART and bought Monster's Ball - SOOO excited about it because i really feel like watching a drama right now...
anyhoo, so i went home and put in it in the DVD player and it wouldnt work, so i tried my computer as well and it wouldnt work...so i gave up. I mean, what more could i do?
so i took it back today and asked if there was another one to exchange and the bitch at the DVD counter was all "NO."
i mean, seriously, couldn't she even make up some lie about shipping? or like stock might come in soon? or couldn't she just take two seconds out of her just standing there and go out the back and just PRETEND to look for something.
half the job is making the customer happy!!!!

For Nelly and Ja Rule...

Piece of my hair

Yesterday, when you said you really cared,
I hope you meant it because,
Today I went to the supermarket to buy you something expensive so
Tomorrow I can give it to you….
But there was nothing, nothing quite right,
Nothing quite enough, nothing that quite said…

(Chorus):
Long or short, through thick and thin,
Brown, black, white or yellow,
Here baby, have a piece of my hair
You know love isn’t forever
But to keep us together,
Baby I want you to have a piece of my hair.

For if I'm ever away, I want you to know
That i'll come back one day.
Maybe i'll have a new accent or
Change my contacts for glasses but
I want you to remember that special item
Kept in a fire safe box…

(Chorus):
Long or short, through thick and thin,
Brown, black, white or yellow,
Here baby, have a piece of my hair
You know love isn’t forever
But to keep us together,
Baby I want you to have a piece of my hair.

OH we can be married or
Have billions of children
We can get tattoos of each others initials
But nothing says I love you
Nothing say I care
Baby have a piece of my….hair!

(Chorus till fade)

And people said that we wouldn't last...

‘Compromise Your Actual Size’
MaddBritts

You want your name in lights bitch,
Then you gotta suck it up,
And compromise your actual size,
Add a few letters here and there,
Come on and follow us, strip yourself bare!
Brittanneyy, that’s B R I T T A N N E Y Y
Maddissonn, that’s M A D D I S S O N N

Chorus:
If you wanna to be rich and famous,
You gotta compromise, compromise,
Compromise your actual size!
If you want wealth and power,
You gotta compromise, compromise,
Compromise your actual size!

Its all about love!
Love yourself, love one another,
Cause when you make it to the top,
Its hell lonely…
You might lose your friends, you might lose you soul,
But hell, you’ll be famous girl, you’ll be on a role!

Chorus:
If you wanna to be rich and famous,
You gotta compromise, compromise,
Compromise your actual size!
If you want wealth and power,
You gotta compromise, compromise,
Compromise your actual size!

Thank Madds for this one...yeah, no yeah...no...wait... YEAH!

'Compromise your actual size tour' 2006

MaddBritts are off on tour! So get ready to compromise YOUR actual size!!!!!!
Tour Dates are as follows (in no particular order, we love planes so we will go there and back and there again if we need to):

The Bronx, United States of America - August 24th
Sydney, Australia - April 3rd
Fu Zhou, China - June 19th
Harlem, United States of America - May 4th
Newport Beach, United States of America - September 18th
Rome, Italy - October 9th
The Pyramids, Egypt - November 11th
Ulan Bator, Mongolia - 7th July
Calcutta, India - 6th January
The Alps, Switzerland - 5th December

So come along and get ready to buy a free t-shirt. Only $45.50 (+ Tax of $25) USD

Just keep churning them out...

I mean, its a little contraversial but we wanted to share the place that we came from...

DON’T HATE
MADDBRITTS Feat. Frankie

Growin’ up in the hood my mama told me
To love every her, to love every he
Growin’ up in the Bronx my daddy got straight
Loving people paralyzed loving people overweight
Shout out ghetto cheeldren
Learn information at yo school
Don’t be no fuckin’ dole bludger
Don’t ‘come nobody’s fool

(Frankie and a chorus of children)
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Mmm-hmmm listen to us say
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate

Don’t bag the ho wit the ice
Don’t bag the pimp wit the hos
Work a full time job
And at night you getchos
Don’t hate on Maddissonn
Don’t hate on Brittanneyy
Remember and dig this
So next time you can feel me

Chorus

Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Don’t get sister girlfriend on nobody just for what they ain’t
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Even if you think it’s nasty juz freak on anyway
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate
Mmm-hmmm don’t hate

Repeat

Now I'm going to treat myself for Vaginal Thrush...

with a tub of yoghurt, a pineapple and a pirate's hook.
if you want to get this joke and other gems...go see 'IDIOT BOX'.

Australian Idol's Guy Sebastian: I'm...still a virgin...that means i've never slept with a girl...boys don't count.

The biggest Loser: "Hi, my name is Chan, and i study IT at UTS and i play computer games all time...my hero is 'studmuffin warrior' Yeah, i don't know his real name but he so cool. He play game all day - no life, no friends, no ambition. that what i want to be."

The biggest Loser: "my name is melinda, but i changed it recently to 'Aura chinese character Feng shui'. Um...my biggest hero is my boyfriend because he's in a band. Well, he's not so much in a band as he just plays guitar. Well, he not so much plays guitar as he doesn't play guitar. And he's not so much my boyfriend."

OH, and a great ad about a GIANT sanitary pad..."OMG! it is big..."

• WHERE: newtown theatre
• DATE: march 15, 16, 17,18 at 10pm
• PRICE: $20/$15 (concession)
• TICKETS: MCA 1300 306 77
  www.mca-tix.com
  www.newtowntheatre.com.au

does anyone else have these dreams?

like normally its soooooooo boring listening the other people's dreams because it's like a private joke between them and themselves. But this one really bothers me because i have it all the time.
its a dream where i am pregnant. like, just a few months along but you know the worry has started to settle in about how i am going to raise this child alone (i am always alone) so it's a bad and stressful dream as well.
anyway, basically im getting ready to go to my own birthday drinks and im driving (which i would never do) a horse and carriage to pick up my friend and she says that my outfit sucks. So i go home to change and that's when i realise that I'm pregnant and that i shouldnt drink and i was like "could this day get any worse?"
and everytime i wake up my belly is uncovered. Why can't i just dream of being cold or my belly uncovered?

Less we forget...

all those times that we have gone driving with our parents. One of my good friends has just received her licence and it shocked me that one of the most ridiculous things that has happened to me whilst driving with my parents happened to her as well...

I come to the intersection of Stoney Creek and King Georges just about the turn onto the Beverlly Hills strip. It's about 9pm at night and I've just driven my cousin home and picked up my dad from a P&T meeting. So we've come to the intersection and

he says: can you make the turn?
I says: yeah...i'll just figure it out.
he says: are you sure?
I says: well, i'll have to.
the lights turn green and i start to turn. Halfway through he lunges (yes, you heard what i said) over in an attempt to control the wheel. I freak out because i think i'm doing something wrong and he knocks the gear into Neutral. I freak out even more because the car has stopped.

Another time I was turning into bankstown square and you have to go under a narrow traintrack bridge. You get under this bridge by going around a round-a-bout and yes, it is narrow but cars still FIT in it. Anyway so Im turning and

he says: can you make the turn?

I says: yes, its just a round-a-bout

he says: do you want to get out and let me do it?

i says: no dad, we're in the middle of a road here.

i know he means well...but for pete's sake!

Where do you get your inspiration?

Well, a lot happens to Maddissonn and Brittanneyy you know? Almost double the fun that happens to other people so there’s a lot of songs to write. Here’s the latest:

OH NO YOU DI’N’T

(Dance intro)

Walking down the street
People throwing shit at us
And we hollar back at ‘em
OH NO YOU DI’N’T!

16mm cameras, flat whites, calendars and a 10 year old boy
Pacer Pencils, napkin holders, ficus bonzais and library cards
TretaFin Fish food, passport photos, Crayolas and TV’s playing
I don’t know…ummmm…Desperate Housewives
Walking down the street
People throwing shit at us
And we hollar back at ‘em
OH NO YOU DI’N’T!

(Beat box/dance bit)

What did people throw at you Maddissonn?

Brightly coloured yellow readers, O.C dvds, and platinum American express cards,
Turkish bread, peach iced tea, plane tickets and tupperware containers
Shampoo, blank dvds, racial abuse and a pink ribbon which I put in my hair,
Its cause I’m black isn’t it? I said, ITS CAUSE WE’RE BLACK ISNT IT?

walking down the street

people throwing shit at us

and we hollar back that them

OH NO YOU DI'N'T!


(Beat box/ dance bit)
Walking down the street
People throwing shit at us
And we hollar back at ‘em
OH NO YOU DI’N’T!

(Beat box/dance bit)

(Spoken)
Britt: Hey just because you’re not an American black chick with a numero uno hit in the charts right now it doesn’t mean you can bag out those who are!
Madd: Yeah! You go girl! Hey, we got some cool shit here…

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

IT'S ISABEL!

look everyone! it's Isabel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘Hello’ is what I presume the Kitty says

To wake me up everyday

To make me breakfast
For when the MADDBRITTS go travelling


To watch all my great BSB dvd's

To play all my great BSB songs Well who doesn't need a ride every once in a while?
Well, if Hilary Duff has one then I want one too!

MALK

So you know the soy milk SO GOOD? Does anyone else think that it should be SOY GOOD?

I mean, that’s just clever. Think about it, children will exclaim:
“mmm…that’s SOY good!”

life's too short

so if someone pisses you off even in the slightest way just cut them out.

CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT...

you get the point.

Just take a stand girls (and boys but apparently you don't have this problem because you beat each other up and its okay afterwards) and say NO to people who never call you back, say NO to people saying you're anorexic because you don't eat breakfast, say NO to people planning trips without you, say NO to people who don't back you up when you are irrationally angry at your parents and say NO to people who like their boyfriends more than you (but you have to be a pretty close friend for this last one).

If you're ever wondering...this is how i spend my friday nights

• Fine for driving without your licence: $600
• petrol money for driving around too much and running out: $20
• housewarming gift: $15
• making sure that 2 of your 3 passengers get out on some strange street corner at 1am in the morning because you can't drive them to their door because you won't know how to get back onto the main road after that even though you have a street directory: priceless

Those union f$^kers

Ok, the PMS has officially peaked and if you think that this is a post about something political you are SO wrong!

Monday: I went to the union shop to get my reader. They got the number wrong and charged me wrong and told me that all those readers were out and I had to order one in. I said “no, that’s the wrong number, I don’t do that shitty subject.” The guy self assuredly said that they were out of the ones that I wanted as well and they only printed on demand so I had to pay and come back on Friday.

Friday: Did not do the readings AND missed the lecture (totally not my fault if you all know what I was doing on Friday morning) so there goes my study-really-hard-this-year plan. I went back to the union shop AFTER my class at 2.30pm because that’s when the jerk said that the readers would be in. I get down there and its Chad (so lovely) working and I says…I says “I’m here to pick up my reader” and he says “Why did you order that? We have like a billion, but we may have actually run out today.” The other dickwad was standing next to him and was all “no, no…we don’t have anymore. Oh wait, let me check…oh yeah we do have two more. Aren’t you lucky?”

Go Jump. Seriously.

(but Chad can stay on the ground).

so geography isnt my strong point...

Modern History Teacher*: So girls, FORMOSA. That was what they used to call Taiwan. Isn't that interesting?
Students: yes
MHT: so moving on...
a little while later when fact sheets were being read, the word Formosa appeared again.
MHT: Formosa...what did that mean again girls?
(everyone is thinking umming and ahhing, basically thinking really hard.)
One particular Student: Isn't it a band?

*lovely woman by the way and definitely one of my favourite teachers ever, just not so lucky.

Could you all do me a favour?

come and visit me at work...it's ever so boring.

yeah, im talking to YOU!

Story time...

i received an email the other day detailing an old fable and i thought i would share my own with you. This one is about how the luna years of the Chinese new year cycle were decided (if you arent familiar there are 12 animals and each year it the year of a different animal).

On the day that the order of the calender was to be decided all the animals lined up hoping to be the first in line when the guard arrived. When he did it was the wise owl who was at the front of the queue ready to be the leading symbol for the chinese new years calender.

However, the mouse was extremely jealous and wanted to be the first. So he climbed up the trunk of the elephant behind him just as the owl was about the stamp the page with his claw claiming his victory. The elephant sneezed a great sneeze and shot the mouse all the way to the front landing straight on the page where the stamp needed to be, technically making him the first in line!

The wise owl was furious and tried to scratch the mouse but missed and clawed the guard across the eyes. Now the guard was mad and blind and he punched the air in front of him squarely hitting the wise owl in the face.

And that is why the owl has a flat face.

oh wait, what the hell was my point?

who's in your FVP class?

well children, let me tell you...

• a raging feminist (you cant even talk about a microphone without offending her)
• some guy that i heard about through some guy through some other guy through some other guy
• exchange students (so cool!)
• a guy who looks like a cross between a HANSON and NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE
• hannah, ursula and berret!
• oh and my ARCH ENEMY! ( who was really bitchy again...like take a pill!)

great...

You Go Girl!

So last night i was watching the Glasshouse and Pinky (OMG) Beecroft was on and i was like OMG! and every time he said something i was like OMG! and i wish there was something more than capitals to express how OMG it was...
anyway, so i had the best idea to go into the ABC makeup rooms the next day and touch all the chairs...Isn't that brilliant? i mean he must have sat in ONE of them right?
so i did.

man, I'm such a stalker...


UPDATE (03/03/06): don't be freaked out, i volunteer at the ABC, i didn't just walk in there and touch their chairs!