my babies are one!

(but not like in a freaky moulded together way).

So there, i said it. Their dirty little hands and weird spikey hair and sharp (fuck they're sharp) little teeth are MINE!

Yes, the little fatty boomba is me...

This morning the house was empty except for my grandma who popped her head into my room to say that she was going to wash her hair. I thought 'ok, whatever...don't tell me.'
Then after she finished she said
"anna, come here. I have something to tell you."
You have no idea how many terrible things ran through my head. I thought she was going to tell me she was dying. Or that my grandad was dying. Or SOMEONE was dying.
Either that, or she and I were going to talk have one of those talks where she tells me to do good with my life (she's leaving in a month so it's time to get sentimental, or nice at least).
So I said "oh ok. What is it?"
And she said "It's very important. I need to know something. I feel like eating McDonalds today and I want their fish burger but I don't know how to say that in English."
...
Of course I offered to buy them for her so she wouldn't have to go to the trouble of learning another language and she said 'oh really? you'll buy them for me? ok then, I want two.'

VABY's

Synonyms:
Crap
Completely not value for money
Will spill your drink everywhere sort of place
Don't eat the meat in fear of death
There will be 15 year old boganny kids cooking your food.

Ok, so the last one wasn't really a synonym (neither were the others but I'm really cheezed right now) because it was SOOOOO SHIT!

It's one of those places where you get full but it's completely unsatisfying. COMPLETELY! and you think to yourself 'Wow, for that amount of money, I could've bought a nice shirt, or a meal from that new Italian place down the road, or a train ticket to Newcastle and back, or gotten myself trashed, or some petrol, or 10 cheeseburgers from maccas, or some envelops, or something nice for my mum, or couple of boxes of ice cream cones, or anything!'

So do yourself and your loved ones a favour and steer clear of Vaby's. Do not be comforted by the decor that looks like Hard Rock meets Sizzler because the food is a bit like stuff out of a bin meets stuff off the floor.

I've never felt more alone in my life

the other day i read my toilet paper and it said:

Down by the sea the
clouds shone through the
sun as i strolled
along this naughty shell

and then there was a picture of a shell which looked quite un-naughty to me.

I just wanted to call someone in and say 'what does this mean?' but of course I couldn't and for the next 30 seconds I was the most confused and alone that I've ever been.
OBVIOUSLY I'm ok now, but you know...it's still creepy.

UPDATE 19th May:
i finally took the picture of the naughty shell on my toilet paper.
See? why is that naughty? if i had a giant shell i would wrap myself in other little shells, perm my hair and lie on top it all day long too.

Contemporary issues

Recently, over the past 3 months or so, i have been forced to consider various contemporary issues in literature. I think I've posted about it before and i managed to completely miss the point of my culture and poetics class. Let's see if i can get it this time.

A girl (who also went to my highschool, which is why i listened to her presentation) presented on the idea of video games today. This sparked heated discussion about 'second life' and 'warcraft'. Then this other student who I shall refer to as Barbie (to protect her dumb ass) put her hand up and said
"i like tomb raider"

There was nothing more that she wanted to say really, just the fact that she likes tomb raider. Now i understand that there is a class participation criteria, but this statement really threw me. Then when she did her presentation, she played a song by a Swedish band. That's cool until it was revealed, that she didn't know the band's name, she didn't understand Swedish but thought the song communicated to her and everyone else in the room anyway, some 'guy' told her about the song and the only connection between her and Sweden is the fact that she might be going there in the summer.

To top this off, another girl (what is it with girls?!) whom I shall call 'dress like you are going to class and not into some low end European magazine' girl quips
"Can i just say, that i have just learnt SO much in this class. Like it's about things that i have never thought of before and so it's started me thinking about other things too. And then i think 'wow, if someone, like, a long time ago before me can think of all these ideas...what will people after me think of?'

So my main issue with contemporary issues is that there are contemporary issues in the first place and that I have to learn about them in some sort of weird stunted environment.

Shit, I've missed the point again.

I LOVE MY MUM

Well actually I love all mums.
I love the concept of motherhood and I love that it is celebrated on one day of the year.
I love the fact that this means all retailers try to push baskets of nice smelling things.
I love that although most things are overpriced at this time, some things go on sale.
I love that this allows me to buy things for myself under the pretence of shopping for my mum.
I love that the Oprah Box set has been slashed from $79.99 to $34.99
I love that there is a George Clooney clip on the set.
I love George Clooney.

I love that I'm soo deliriously happy and I've forgotten why...

666

This is the devils movie

I bought it for 6 bucks at Big-W.
It took me 6 weeks to watch the damn thing,
and here are 6 reasons why it sucked my will to live:
1) The characters are all so unappealing that it just didn't matter what happened to them.
2) I know it's meant to be from a book, but the story is soooooo 2D that you could've fast forwarded through with your eyes closed and still known the plot.
3) Apparently there is a stella cast. I guess that's very subjective but I DON'T THINK SO TIM!
4) There's a sheer desperation in this film to be postmodern. Fred Savage is cute but he doesn't need to be in bloody everything.
5) The only thing that would've been super cool the modern day characters were somehow related to the fairytale ones. But they weren't.
6) The giant wasn't giant enough. I know he was a real person but he looked like a normal person in a land full of dwarves.

So IF anyone does actually like this movie, please let me know why (GOD?! WHY???!!)